Background: Over the summer, Allan and I participated in various adoption/parenting seminars online as a requirement for our adoption agency. They were very upfront in presenting the issues we may face: what the reality may look like of adopting a child who has been institutionalized for the first year (maybe two years) of her life. They presented all the possible medical issues the child may have, as well as emotional/attachment issues. I understood well that their intention was to prepare us for the worst. Still, I found myself clouding my mind with worry (what I seem to be so well at doing). Finally, I removed myself from the computer, left my husband to continue watching the session on his own, and returned with my Bible and journal in hand.
The first Bible passage I found was this:
You have made me endure many terrible troubles.
You restore me to life again.
You bring me back from the depths of the earth.
This was what I immediately wrote on my journal that night (July 9, 2012):
As I watch these video sessions, it’s easy to cloud my mind with worries. They talk about trust and anxiety issues the child may have, the traumas she may experience, the neglect she suffered for her first year of life in the orphanage, etc. They even mentioned the possibility of this child reenacting the abuse she suffered against our other children in the home.
Lord, please protect her body and her mind. Please surround her with Your arms of love. Please allow her, even as a baby, to experience (feel) Your presence and Your love. Quiet her with Your love.
I pray against any power that is at work in trying to harm her. I know that You are stronger. You are bigger. Your love is enough.
It’s so easy for me to be consumed with worry when I encounter all these possibilities, but help me to place my trust in Your Word. You will bring her back from the depths of the earth. You will bring full healing and restoration. Our family will be a light that shines Your glory.
I seek Your wisdom. Help me to gain what I need to from this seminar, but help me to discard the rest.
Lord, I pray that even as I write this, You will fill the void in her heart. Draw her close to You. Allow her to learn to trust You. Replace her fears with Your security.
I wonder if she’s about 6 months old now?
It should be morning in China right now. Give her a good day today. And sing her a sweet lullaby tonight. Let her soul be satisfied with You love. Let her meditate on You and Your goodness.
In Jesus’ mighty name, heal her wounds, both physically and emotionally.
Sometimes, the worry comes creeping in again. I just long to be there…holding her in my arms. But I remember: Who better Person to trust her with…than the ONLY ONE who can fully restore her to life again.