Heated Discussion

Sometimes I wonder if people think I’m sharing too much of my business on Facebook (or on this blog). It’s just that I have a big passion for “Keeping it real,” and I feel that there’s not enough of that going on, especially within the Christian community (read more on my intro here about that).

Anyway, I wanted to share details of the “heated discussion” emails that were exchanged between my husband and me.

Background: My husband is very overprotective of our family (as he should be). Sometimes, in areas where he’s more passionate, my attitude is more of “que sera sera” (whatever will be, will be). Financial investment is one of those areas. Another area is being prepared for unforeseen attacks. I know that he’s right and I should put more priority on those things, but I seem to catch up to him at a snail’s pace. A recent incident in the news has raised the priority level of protecting our family to the highest in his mind. From my perspective, I assumed that he was starting to get too anxious from the recent news. The following was the email exchange that took place.

Part of the statement is this: “Whitney was a very loving person,” he added. “She was warm, she was kind, she was everything you would want in a friend, relative, spiritual fellow worshiper.”
Found her body in the woods.
NEWS ARTICLE (click to read)
We need to look into ways to protect you and the girls.  Mace in the car between the seats and reachable in your purse.  It might be worth looking into some self defense classes we can do as a family. Give you the confidence and knowledge to grab your keys and stab them in the eyes or kick to the grind….anything.
I do NOT want to end up like this husband……..

Me (this is where I tried to express that I agree with him, but I also tried to be the “wise voice” in his head and remind him that we should keep the right perspective and not get too anxious).
Wow, that is sad. Sure, we can definitely look into self defense classes.
Let the Ninja in me come out!
This is an awful thing to happen to anybody, and I certainly agree that we should be prepared to make sure it doesn’t happen to us. I do want to have it in writing though, that if something tragic ever did happen to me, I have absolutely no regrets – I have the best life a girl can ask for – best (sexiest) husband, delightful (although crazy) daughters, and every day is truly a treasure to me that I feel I don’t fully deserve. To top that off, when I die, I get to meet JESUS face to face!! I will be even Happier than I am now, which is so hard to fathom.
It’s the souls of people like this guy (killer) that we need to pray for.  I can’t imagine living my life without the hope we have from God!

This was truly how I felt, and I thought I was “doing good” by expressing them to him, keeping our focus on God.

I agree but I also believe that God puts things in our path, such as this tragedy, as a wake up call that bad things happen and we should be prepared.  I know you laugh at me when I talk about the Mace, but I’m not ready to lose you or the squirts.  The world is a messy place and I just want us to be better prepared.  Self defense isn’t just lolli gagging through life knowing God has your back but actually taking the time to step up and learn things to protect yourself.  If a moment arises, like it did for this poor girl, I want myself and our kids to know that you’ll know what to do and they’ll learn what to do, not just look to the sky and say OK take me home.  God gives free will, free will allows Satan to enter and if any of those meat heads come in your direction, I want full on Lucy Liu ninja throw down so they’ll learn not to mess with Boo!  OK, so maybe not full on Tae classes, but simple stuff like the key thing or pressure points, Kubaton key chain training or mace…..etc.

Oh, this INFURIATED me. I felt that I was not heard properly, and I felt he was putting words into my mouth (which is my biggest pet peeve). In truth (looking back), he didn’t hear from me exactly what he wanted to hear, and I didn’t hear back from him exactly what I wanted to hear back. I remember hearing myself pounding on the keyboard as I typed these words in anger:

I was not disagreeing with you at all, and I’m not laughing at the idea of self-defense.
That was TRULY not my intention of writing what I did.
I wholeheartedly AGREE with you on everything you’re saying.
I just had to write that, to make sure if anything UNexpected DID happen (because we can’t be prepared for EVERYthing), that YOU KNOW (and have in writing) that I have no regrets. As hard as it will be for the people left behind, I will be happier and in a better place.
That was my only intention.

I kind of felt bad about how I responded in anger, but still not to the point of being truly sorry, so I added another response right behind it (notice some sarcasm hidden in there):

I’m sorry, I just got upset for a sec. I agree that I have not been taking things as seriously as I should about self-defense, but I feel like sometimes you “label” me that way and you won’t believe me when I truly tell you that I agree with you.
I’m “labeled” as the one who laughs at the idea of self-defense.
I am NOT going to just stand by and let myself or my children get hurt. You know me better than that, I hope. Sign me up for a class next week if you don’t believe me.
I understand the sense of urgency you feel. I just felt like I need to speak out that piece about my eternal hope being in God, no matter what happens. I sensed that this whole incident was starting to consume you with anxiety, which I don’t think is the state God wants us to be in either.
I understand the urgency. I agree we should take full measures to protect ourselves. I agree. Honestly, I do.

lol….I’m not in a state of anxiety or labeling anything.  Sorry you feel that way; just trying to be proactive.  I’d rather be one that says I had seen the sign God was providing and acted on it rather than sure wish I had noticed that sign before.

I’m starting to come down from the height of my anger at this point. I still wasn’t convinced that we have fully reconnected. This was where I truly spoke (typed) from my heart (minus the anger).

And that’s exactly what I was trying to say in my first response: Yes, let’s act on it!
Then, I received a response with words being put in my mouth (which always triggers my button), “I know you laugh at me when I talk about the Mace…”
“not just look to the sky and say OK take me home…”
I’m sorry I overreacted.

Sorry for being sarcastic.  I guess I’m a little over reactive because I love my Boo and girls:)  I’ll look into what’s out there for basic self defense stuff not full on karate….yet that’ll be for when the girls start dating:)

This was when the whole wall broke down, and we went back to our usual sweet bantering and flirting.

This was what I posted as my Facebook status immediately after:
Keepin’ It Real: hubby and I got in a rare “heated” discussion via email just now. Two imperfect people doing life together can look messy at times, but I’m so thankful that at the end of it, we can always come to a greater appreciation and understanding of each other (and greater awareness of what we can improve on). We certainly couldn’t do this right without God’s love & wisdom guiding us through, every step of the way. Allan: I love you. Thank you for loving your Boo, no matter which Boo you happen to get that day (happy Boo, angry Boo, moody Boo:).

His response to the FB post:
lol……you forgot Naughty Boo;) Love you too, couldn’t imagine doing life without you….hence part of the reason for the somewhat heated discussion on self defense classes, we’re both on the same page just didn’t communicate it right:)

Not sure what the “moral” of this blog post was – I mainly wanted to be authentic about how we’re still learning about better ways to communicate with one another, how to not respond in anger, etc., etc… I think it always boils down to humility. True humility breaks down walls. Anger and selfish pride (I want MY voice to be heard above all, and I want the other person to agree with me completely, which was the kind of attitude we both were guilty of above) will only create bigger walls. Humility and forgiveness always break down the walls.


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