by BooParry | Oct 22, 2015 | #Undone, Books, FaithJourney, Series
How many of us can relate to the feeling of running on empty? For me, it comes in two ways. There’s the everyday, being a mom to four kids, exhausted, things are not up to my standard and I’m irritable…type of “I’m spent” feeling. Then, there’s the kind that comes with emotional trauma: my “undone” moment happens, I’m unraveled, I’m emotionally spent, and I come to the same place Michele described: “God, I have nothing. Nothing. You’re going to have to show up in a big way.”
I’m there right now…and it’s a mixture of the two kinds I described above. In these moments, I feel so “unpresentable.” I feel so far from the ideal image of myself. And I feel alone. I try to pour out my feelings to my husband, but sometimes, I end up feeling worse. I either feel that he doesn’t understand, or I feel even more of a mess than I originally did, because I’m throwing a mini temper tantrum at him out of my crazy emotions. This is not the “me” I want to present to him, or to the rest of my family, or to my friends.
Yet, in those moments, I feel like a real human. I feel that all pretense is gone, my own efforts are relinquished, and I’m exactly where God wants me to be. As Apostle Paul put it, that’s the place where I’m forced to trust God totally, instead of relying on my own strength or goodness.
It was so bad we didn’t think we were going to make it. We felt like we’d been sent to death row, that it was all over for us. As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally—not a bad idea since he’s the God who raises the dead! And he did it, rescued us from certain doom. And he’ll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing.
–2 Corinthians 1:8-10 The Message Bible
I love these words Michele shared in Chapter 8, and I agree wholeheartedly.
Few things display unadulterated beauty like a pouring out when you’ve nothing to give. It must come from an otherwordly place, a well whose source you do not control. In that weak and lonely place of utter dependency, I learned a little bit about what it means to be a living sacrifice.
-Michele Cushatt, Undone*
It’s not an easy, comfortable place to be. It’s hard. It’s lonely. But, as she said, there’s beauty there. It’s only when we reach the end of ourselves that we experience this “utter dependency” on God. It’s only in this place that we truly begin to understand what Peal meant when he said, “It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me” (Galatians 2:20).
So, whether you’re running on empty because of everyday stress of life, or because you are in your undone process and you’re emotionally spent, know that as Paul said, “it’s the best thing that could have happened.” Trust me, I know it doesn’t feel like it, but it is. In this place of emptiness, when you have nothing left of yourself to give, God meets you and rescues you. And this type of life experience will have much bigger impact in your circle of influence than anything you could have accomplished on your own. Again, Michele couldn’t have said it better: “Authenticity ministers far more than put-togetherness. And vulnerability builds a far stronger bond than perfection.”
Let’s meet one another in this place of vulnerability and emptiness. Let’s remind one another of God’s grace – and of His power to rescue…time and time again.
*This is part of a series of posts I’m writing about a book by Michele Cushatt called Undone. I will write about what God is having me reflect on after each chapter. You can just read my posts, or you can join the online book club I started. Read my Invite post and Getting Started post to find out more about the book club.
This post was reflecting on Chapters 7 and 8.
Discussion Questions for the book club:
-No specific discussion questions for this week. I’d love to hear what jumped out at you from these two chapters.
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by BooParry | Oct 7, 2015 | #Undone, Books, Marriage, Series
We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
-Sam Keen (as cited in Undone, Chapter 5, by Michele Cushatt*)
You may not marry a perfect person, but if you find a humble person, they will become increasingly perfect throughout their lifetime – and it will be a joy, not a burden, to walk bedside them as they do.
-Ron Deal
After being married for nine years, I find so much truth in the above statements. I believe the underlying thread is humility. Here is a tidbit for you singles, something I never knew while I was a single person: marriage is so much more about humility than it is about romance. Yup. Sorry, it’s true. But here’s the good part. As each spouse grows in humility and, as Michele put it, learns to pay “more attention to what [is] beautiful and good than to the handful of things that [are] wrong,” the byproducts you experience will be romance and happiness. Here’s the best part. This type of love, built on mutual humility and trust, will be sweeter than anything you dreamed of while you were single. And the love just keeps growing.
When I first met Allan, I did not have a “head-over-heels” crush on him. He started showing interest and pursuing immediately, and if you know him, you know that he doesn’t hold anything back. I remember telling one of my friends, “He’s nice…but he’s a bit…much.” Good thing he was persistent; he gave me time to push through my doubts.
In the first few years of being together (dating and marriage), we had some major communication style clashes and we also were faced with some trying times that added extra burden onto our relationship. I think the main hurdle to overcome though, more than all of that, was my own idealistic expectation of who I wanted Allan to be for me. Once I began to put my own expectations aside and opened my eyes to who God created him to be…my love for him deepened, and I appreciated and enjoyed our marriage so much more. For example, I wanted him to be more “romantic” like he was when we first met (flowers, surprise notes, etc.). I began to see though, how “romantic” and affectionate and caring he already was being through everything he does for me. He shares in all the household duties (his share may actually be more than mine), he lets me get away for my alone time while he takes care of the kids, he makes my coffee/tea every morning, and he makes sure that we have our “coffee time” in the morning and “snuggle time” at night…just to name a few. Another example is that I wanted him to be sensitive and be able to listen like my girlfriends did when I was expressing my feelings to him. Um, yeah. Not going to happen with a guy. I mean, he tries his best…he really does. Some days are better than others. But it’s never going to be exactly like pouring my heart out to one of my closest girlfriends, who knows exactly how to respond. Instead, I began to see that he’s never afraid to speak the truth in love, even if it may offend me a little in that moment. He is always honest with me, out of his love for me.
Ten years later, I am way more in love with him than when we first met. I appreciate him so much more. I sometimes even get a little giddy like a high school girl when I see him or think about him. Our love continues to grow. Aside from having Jesus as our firm foundation, I can attribute the ever increasing joy of our marriage to one main factor: humility.
*This is part of a series of posts I’m writing about a book by Michele Cushatt called Undone. I will write about what God is having me reflect on after each chapter.
This post was reflecting on Chapters 5 and 6.
Discussion Questions for the book club:
–If you are married, what were some of your mate’s attributes that irritated you at first but became something you appreciate? If you are single, what idealistic expectations do you think you have towards your future mate?
–Even though I only covered Chapter 5 in the above post, Chapter 6 had some profound statements. I loved how Michele came to the conclusion that peace wasn’t a feeling or absence of fear. Peace is a person. In what tangible ways has the Prince of Peace shown Himself to you (the example Michele gave was the Christmas Eve service she attended)?
by BooParry | Sep 30, 2015 | #Undone, Books, FaithJourney, Series
Sometimes, you feel so sure of where God is leading you. Then, without warning, He takes a completely different turn. You thought He was leading you to one place, but He had something else in mind for you. A different kind of lesson. A different kind of dancing.
I’m familiar with the kind of dancing Michele experienced when she received the answer she wanted. When I think of a big answer to prayer in my life, I immediately think of my husband…my marriage. I wanted to be married for as long as I could remember. I dreamed of my Prince Charming. Well, he didn’t come on a white horse, and to be honest he wasn’t the kind of man I had expected to marry. But thankfully, God opened my eyes to see that His ways and His thoughts for me are much higher than my own. He had someone way better than what I had dreamed for myself. Year after year, I become more amazed by how incredibly blessed I am to be doing life with this man. No, he is not perfect, and our marriage is not perfect. But we are perfect for each other. Every time I think about him, or “us,” I smile. I dance. We are not without problems, but there’s no other person I’d rather share my life with…both the good and the bad. I can’t help but to dance in gratitude. Thank You, God, for answering my prayer in a way that far surpasses what I could have imagined for myself.
Then, as Michele said, there’s a different kind of dancing.
But later, when other prayers didn’t receive such neat and tidy answers, I’d have to learn a different kind of dancing, the kind that stands still. The kind that leans into the sure arms of a mysterious and unfathomable God and allows him to lead, even when she doesn’t know where he is leading.
-Michele Cushatt, Undone*
This type of dancing is a lot more challenging. It’s a lot scarier. It requires a lot more faith. It’s more like wresting than dancing…at first.
God, this is not what I prayed for! Please fix it! I don’t want to be here! God, why are you allowing this?
After you throw all your questions at Him, after all the kicking and screaming is done, after you have been emotionally and mentally “spent,” you look up…and realize that He’s still there. He has His arms wrapped around you, and He is gently leading you in this unfamiliar dance. You don’t know where He’s leading you, but you know you are safe in His arms. The peace and love you begin to feel during this dance sink way deeper than anything you’ve experienced before. That’s when you realize: This is why He’s leading me in this dance. He wants me to experience, like never before, how safe I am in His arms. How deeply loved I am by Him. He wants me to know it, experience it, believe it…and live like it. I will never be the same after this dance.
I think it’s OK to be scared at first. It’s normal to feel that we don’t want to do this. As we bring all of our fears and doubts to God, in time, He will allow us to see the beauty in this kind of dancing. He is calling us, deeper still, into love.
Love so undeniable I can hardly speak
Peace so unexplainable I can hardly think
As you call me deeper still
As you call me deeper still
As you call me deeper still
Into love love love
-Housefires. “Good Good Father.”
*This is part of a series of posts I’m writing about a book by Michele Cushatt called Undone. I will write about what God is having me reflect on after each chapter.
This post was reflecting on Chapters 3 and 4.
Discussion Questions for the book club:
-If you ever experienced this kind of dancing, what were some truths God instilled in your heart through the experience?
–In chapter 3, Michele talked about receiving courage from God in her prayer closet, yet the courage would quickly disappear as she went about her day. Can you relate? What were some things you did to regain the courage or remind yourself of God’s truth as you continued your daily tasks?
by BooParry | Sep 22, 2015 | #Undone, Books, FaithJourney, Series
At six o’clock I woke up to a life I loved. By eight thirty it was gone.
-Michele Cushatt, Undone*
Have you had an experience like that? One moment, your life was just peachy. Sure, there were little things that bothered you, worried you, or annoyed you at certain times. But for the most part, you were pretty pleased with your life. You were pretty satisfied with yourself. Then, very unexpectedly, everything changes. The life that you knew and were comfortable with – is gone. You lose your sense of control. You lose your sense of security. What is the first feeling that attacks you? For most of us, I’m guessing that feeling is fear.
For me, it didn’t happen in one moment like it did for Michele. It happened over the course of a few weeks. I was struck with fear. I’ve had bad days before, of course, but this was different. I knew, at the deepest part of my being, that I was entering the “unknown.” I didn’t know how long it would last. I didn’t know where it would take me. I didn’t know what the future held. For a perfectionist who likes to have things planned out, there were too many unknowns. Michele put it so precisely: “I prefer to plot and plan, save and stock up.” That was me. Yet here I was. God was leading me on a path I was not prepared for. I was overwhelmed by fear.
For months afterwards, one single thought consumed me: I want to go back. I want a time machine that can take me back to before everything changed. I want a “do over.” I don’t want to walk this road of unknowns anymore! Please, God, take me back.
Yet, I couldn’t. He wouldn’t. It was out of my control. I also knew, without a doubt, that God had me on this road for a reason. Never before had I been so certain that I was right smack in the middle of God’s will for my life. Funny, I’ve spent many years as a Christian. I always wanted to “get” there…to a place where I knew for sure that I was in the middle of His will. I finally reached that place…which happened to be a place of utter despair and brokenness. How ironic is that?
The day cancer showed up in my life, God showed up bigger. He served up a portion of his presence, enough for one day. Enough to reassure me I’m not alone.
How I can relate. I wanted answers and instant fix. Instead, God gave me Himself…just enough to help me through, one day at a time. He gave me the same assurance He gave Michele: I am with you. Trust Me.
I knew that the road ahead was going to be rocky…and long. I had (still have) no idea when it would end. A huge part of me still wanted to just go back. I missed the knowns, the comfort, the security. In front of me, all I could see was a mountain, a Goliath, a battlefield. It seemed too BIG to face. Yet, God wanted to show up bigger. It would be through this road (not around it), that I would truly experience and know – that I am not alone. He is with me.
And that was enough…for that moment, that day.
One side note: I often compare my undone experience to hers. Hers was cancer, mine was something entirely different (not health-related) that I’m not prepared to disclose. I didn’t want to scare any family member who may be reading this.
*All the quotes used in this post are from the book Undone by Michele Cushatt. This is part of a series of posts I’m writing about her book. I will write about what God is having me reflect on after each chapter. You can just read my posts, or you can join the online book club I started. Read my Invite post and Getting Started post to find out more about the book club.
This post was reflecting on Chapters 1 and 2.
Discussion Questions for the book club:
-If you ever had a similar “undone” experience, what were some of your initial thoughts and feelings?
-How did God “show up bigger” or how did you hear His whispers in midst of your most pressing moments? Michele used an example of receiving a phone call from someone whom she least expected to hear (which was a sign to her that it was not a coincidence). Do you have a similar example you would like to share?
by BooParry | Sep 15, 2015 | #Undone, Books, FaithJourney, Intros, Series
Welcome, I’m glad that you’re checking this out to see if you’d like to join us on this journey. I hope you decide to do so!
Here are answers to some questions you may have:
What is this about?
It’s basically an online book club. We will be discussing the book Undone by Michele Cushatt. Please see my invitation post on how I came to chose this book and what I hope to accomplish through this book club. I will share a post every week, summarizing the chapter(s) for that week and sharing my thoughts on the content. The rest of you will have a chance to share your thoughts as well, either by commenting on the blog post (under comments) or by commenting on our closed Facebook group Smashing Sandcastle Discussions (please send a request to join the group).
Is it necessary that I purchase the book?
No, but strongly recommended. I will be posting a quick summary of the chapter(s) that we cover on my weekly blog post. You can choose to just follow my blog posts and participate in the online discussions. However, to get the most out of this group, I strongly recommend that you follow along with the book.
Where can I purchase the book?
You can find more info about the book and purchase it through the book’s official site: www.undonebook.com. Or you can purchase through Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Christianbook.com.
When will this book club start and end?
My first entry to begin the discussions will be posted the week of September 20. We will cover 1-2 chapters a week. My goal is to finish by end of the year (probably mid-December).
Will this require a lot of time on my end?
No! The chapters are short, and we will cover only 1-2 chapters a week. It should only take a few minutes of your time a week to read the book. I will share just one blog post a week that covers the chapter(s). How much you decide to participate in the online discussion is entirely up to you. I sincerely hope that each of you will take the time to share your thoughts, but you are not expected to do so every week.
Is this group opened to anyone?
Yes! My hope is to create a safe place for all women to share their thoughts and feelings, especially regarding what God is teaching them about their own “undone” experience/process. Please, please, please invite other women you know to join who may be interested.
What if I am not a reader? Or, what if I’d like to read at a faster pace?
Again the chapters are short, and we will cover 1-2 chapters a week. It’s a light load for even a non-reader to take on. If you are a reader, please feel free to read ahead and still participate in the discussion for the chapter(s) that are assigned to a particular week.
Is it necessary that I share about my “undone” experience?
No. You can share as much or as little as you want of your personal life. I personally will not be sharing details of my “undone” experience, because I’m not ready to do so. My goal for this book club is that we would encourage one another on the journey of seeking God’s presence in midst of our struggles or just everyday life. I would like the focus of our discussions to be how to seek God in midst of our struggles, instead of focusing on the personal details of our struggles. I hope that makes sense? If you’re not sure what I mean by “undone” experience, you can read my invitation post. Or you will find out soon enough as you begin reading the book.
What if I am not going through an “undone” experience?
You’re still welcome to join! Perhaps God is preparing for future chapters in your life, or maybe He will use what you gain from this book to help others through their “undone” experience.
OK, so now, how do I join?
Two ways.
1. If you have Facebook account, join our closed Facebook group called Smashing Sandcastle Discussions. Once you are a member of the group, you will automatically receive a notification on your Facebook account when I share a new post.
2. You can subscribe to this blog. You can choose to subscribe to only the book club portion of the blog by going here and checking only the “book club” box.
How do I join the discussions?
First of all, I really hope you do! I don’t want this to just be about what I have to share. I so long to hear your thoughts as well! You can join the discussions by commenting on that particular week’s blog post (under comments) or by commenting on our closed Facebook group Smashing Sandcastle Discussions (please send a request to join the group). You can choose to post anonymously on this blog. For Facebook, it’s a closed group, so only the people in the group will be able to view your posts/comments.
Can I join after the book club has already started (after September 20)?
Yes. These are short chapters, so it shouldn’t take you long to catch up. Or you can just pick up from where we are at the time that you join.
Wait, we’re not done yet!
If you’re planning on joining us, please take a minute to introduce yourself (again, you can do so in the comment section of this post, or in our Facebook group). Share what you’d like to about yourself. Please include what your hope is for this group.
Thank you! I can’t wait to “meet” you and begin this journey together!
If you have additional questions, please contact me at [email protected].
-Maria
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