by BooParry | Mar 5, 2017 | #Receive, FaithJourney, Series
Receive the Simplicity of Following Jesus
When my children have an opportunity to pick out a prize or a gift from a wide range of choices, I have two girls who react in two completely opposite ways. One is indecisive and takes a very long time before she finally chooses a toy. She overanalyzes her decision, she has to consider all her choices, and she even has to know what her siblings chose before she chooses herself. On the other end of the spectrum, I have a child who sees what she wants and never looks back. Sometimes I try to make sure that she really saw all the choices that were available. But it usually doesn’t matter what I say, or what others chose, her decision is solid. When she has made up her mind on what she wants, there’s no other option for her. “I want that one.” Done. Game over.
I think the latter response is the more childlike one. When children are presented with a wide range of choices, it can feel overwhelming and distracting at first, but after giving a quick browse…one choice usually stands out more than the rest. One choice seems to call out to them. When that happens, children tend to have a tunnel vision. They see nothing else but that choice.
I want to go back to that. There are so many distractions and choices and responsibilities and obligations and expectations. My calendar fills up quickly. My To-Do list never ends. There’s always something that I can be doing more, or something that I can be doing better. Then there’s the monster of comparison, which only continues to become a bigger monster thanks to social media. There are also genuine concerns, often about the well-being of my children – how they are doing physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. How is our marriage doing? There are friendships to consider. Then there are global issues such as child poverty and human trafficking. What can I do to help?
There are so, so many things my mind can choose to focus on. But one stands out above the rest. One choice calls me by name.
My soul hears the call and responds, “I want that one.”
Just give me Jesus.
I long to embrace the simplicity of just following Jesus. Adults (myself included) have complicated what that means in the name of religion. I’m starting to see that Jesus never meant for it to be complicated or overwhelming. He told some fishermen, “Come, follow me, and I will send you out to fish for people” (Mark 1:17). Immediately, they left their nets and started following Him. Seriously, do we ever take a minute to really consider this? Fishing was their life, that’s all they’ve ever known. Some guy comes up to them and says to follow Him. They didn’t try to bring their stuff back to their house first, they didn’t try to pack and prepare…they immediately started following Him. None of us can even go on a vacation in the same manner. Why did they do that? I believe…it’s because Jesus was that compelling. They sensed in their heart, even though the future was unknown, that He would be enough for them. He held all the answers for them.
Zacchaeus spent one afternoon with Jesus. That was enough to turn his life completely around. He went from being a rich man who cheated people to get what he wants to a man who wanted to do right by people and give his wealth away. Really, how did such transformation happen in one day? An encounter with Jesus.
He really is that compelling, that captivating, that life-changing. Just one encounter with Him can completely turn the course of a man’s life…forever.
So practically speaking, in our everyday lives, what does it look like to just simply follow Jesus? It’s a question I hope to take some time to ponder on, and I hope to blog about it more here from time to time. For now, I think it means to consciously turn my focus on Him above all else. Practice becoming more aware of His presence. Be expectant of and look for opportunities to have special encounters with Him. Allow myself to soak in His love through nature, solitude, music, good company, His Love Letter (the Bible), or whatever means available. Learn to quiet my mind…and give Him more space to occupy it.
Jesus is calling us by name and speaking softly to our hearts: Don’t be distracted by all these choices. Don’t compare your life to everyone else’s. I’m the one you want. I’m the one your soul longs for. I’m the answer, I’m the one who can satisfy, I’m the one who can give you purpose. I’m your choice. When you are focused on Me alone, it won’t matter what everyone else’s life looks like. It won’t matter if all your to-do list is done. It won’t matter if you solved all the problems in the world, or even a single problem in your life. It will just be about you and Me. When you stay with Me, your weary soul will find rest. When you walk with Me, you will find abundant life.
Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of Earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace
Oh soul are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness to see
There’s a light for a look at the Savior
And life more abundant and free
Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.
–Jesus (Matthew 11:28-30 The Message)
Receive like a child.
Receive the childlike SIMPLICITY of following Jesus.
by BooParry | Mar 5, 2017 | #Receive, FaithJourney, Intros, Series
What is your favorite childhood memory?
More specifically, when was it that you really got to experience the joy of simply being a child? A child full of joy. A child who is adored and loved. Simply someone’s child.
For me, memories that I shared with my grandfather immediately come to mind. He was my caretaker for the most of my early childhood. It’s hard to come up with a memory from those early years without him in it. When I was with him, I was a child who was adored. We lived in close proximity to each other, until my mom remarried and we moved about thirty minutes (by train) away from him. During those elementary years, I would take the train by myself almost every weekend to go visit him. When I got off the train and onto the platform, I took the flight of stairs up to the exit gates, and there he was…always waiting, never once late, his face beaming at the sight of me. That was when my soul breathed again. In his love was where my childhood soul found rest. When I was with him, I was simply…a child.
I miss that. I miss him, of course, but I also miss that feeling of simply being a child. No expectations. No agenda. No pretense. He just loved me for me. And I soaked myself in that love. I was his, he was mine, and that was enough for us both.
Fast forward thirty years. I am 37 years old. I am a wife. I am a mother to four children. I am a daughter, a daughter-in-law, a sister-in-law, a friend, a neighbor, a homemaker, a school mom, a church member, a Facebooker…. Somewhere between then and now, I lost the sense of being a child – almost completely. Yet my soul is crying out, “I’M STILL A CHILD!” Yes, I’m still very much a child. A child of the Most High God. My soul still seeks to find rest in the arms of the One who loves and adores me. My soul longs to be bathed in the kind of love that expects nothing from me in return. My soul longs to be loved like a child…and to feel like a child…again.
So that’s my journey for 2017. RECEIVE like a child. This is the theme my Heavenly Daddy has been trying to instill in me.
The honesty of a child.
The receptivity of a child.
The pure dependency of a child.
The simplicity of a child.
I want to go back to that. Through childlike wonder and expectation, I want to fully receive all that God has in store for me.
I don’t have the slightest idea where this journey will take me, but that’s always been the way with me and God. I do know that wherever we’re headed, He will always take me deeper…into His love. And that’s always a good enough deal for me.
I hope you’ll join me on the ride.
At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” He called a little child and set him before them, and said, “I assure you and most solemnly say to you, unless you repent [that is, change your inner self—your old way of thinking, live changed lives] and become like children [trusting, humble, and forgiving], you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
—Matthew 18:1-4 (Amplified Bible)
by BooParry | Feb 10, 2016 | #Undone, Books, FaithJourney, Key, Series
In the last few years, ever since my “undone” process began, my perception of what a holy life looks like has changed quite significantly. Somewhere over the course of my life as a perfectionist, I had bought into the idea that living a holy life for me means being a good Christian wife and mother (all the time) and having it all together. Now, I would never admit that’s what I believed. In fact, I don’t even know if I knew that’s what I believed. If the topic came up, I would say, “Of course nobody is perfect. Everybody makes mistakes. We all will fail at perfection. Nobody has it all together.” Yet, I never truly allowed this kind of grace to apply to my own life. I was blind to the security blanket I had wrapped myself around my whole life, a blanket that gave the impression to others that I’m a good, kind, and even a holy person who has everything under control. “A+” was what I always aimed for during my school years, and I always achieved it. I was aiming for the same in my adult life (particularly in marriage and parenthood), and I thought I was achieving it. A loving God who wanted me to live the abundant, real life He intended for me had no choice but to yank the security blanket off of me. Only then could I finally face my distorted views, replace them with His truth, and begin the road of recovery.
Michele* touched a lot on perfectionism in chapters 18 through 21. Here are some key points I found to be helpful for a recovering perfectionist like myself:
Embrace the imperfections, the failures, the hurts, and not having it all-together. God must have known before He created Adam that he was going to sin. But He chose to create him anyway. I’m not a theology expert by any means, but I believe I see a glimpse of God’s heart in this process. He longed for a relationship with us more than what we can do for Him. He desired the kind of intimacy that can only come from walking with us through our messy, painful, mistake-filled life. I’m not sure if this kind of intimacy would have been possible if all of humanity managed to live a perfect, obedient, happy life. Michele said it so well: “only a marred life gives birth to the most beautiful redemption.” She also said part of the embracing is realizing that this is a “rough-draft life.” We must learn to accept that we won’t always get it right the first time and forgive ourselves when we get it wrong. I would also add that in this embracing imperfection process, a perfectionist should look back on our life and see if there is a past wound to be dealt with that caused us to become perfectionists (I will write more on this later).
Embrace the process of recovery rather than focusing on the end result. For a perfectionist, even after we realize our need to recover from perfectionism, we tend to look at this recovery process as another thing we have to ace and we become anxious for the day we achieve it. I chuckle as I write this; do you see how hopeless we are? I like what Michele’s counselor said to her: “Maybe you’re not supposed to manage all this. Maybe, instead, you’re supposed to experience it. Walk through it. Do the best you can.” As I have been going through my “undone” season, I have come to learn that recovery, healing, wholeness, and even holiness, are found in bits and pieces during the process, rather than as the end result. It’s hard for a perfectionist to understand this, because the process is so messy and untidy and unpredictable; all the adjectives we hate. Michele used a metaphor of standing too close to an impressionist painting. Everything looks messy and undone from up close. But as we step farther back, we begin to see the unexpected beauty of the whole picture. “Though appearing undone, it hints that imperfection could turn into the makings of an incredible story.” But it takes time for the whole story to unfold, for the masterpiece to be completed. Michele suggested, “Allow yourself to see beyond the chaos to the beautiful story taking shape.”
Realize that we cannot do it alone. Keep our eyes on the Master. So by now, a perfectionist has learned that we need to recover from perfectionism and that it takes time. Even after we’ve come this far, somewhere in the hidden parts of our belief system, we feel that we need to conquer this process on our own. Michele described it this way: “Alarmed by my vast army, I raised my shield and wielded my sword, assuming all responsibility for victory.” Perfectionists are very prideful and we hate to admit that we can’t do it on our own. Michele brought up the example of the disciples panicking in the storm while Jesus slept. He asked them, “Where is your faith?” I agree with Michele that even when I refuse to admit it, my faith is usually placed in myself. She gave a great example of a time she experienced panic attack while scuba diving. When her scuba master came to help, and when she saw in his eyes that he was not going to let her go, she began to transition from panic to peace.
I had to die to the self-sufficiency and arrogance that had fooled me into thinking I could do all, be all, without consequence. That I could anchor myself to my own boat and not pay the price. Thank God. He looked me in the eye, and he refused to let me go.
-Michele Cushatt, Undone
Lean to express our feelings and needs. Seek and accept help. Find a support community. It’s true that God is the One who will carry us on this road to recovery. But on the journey, He will use other people to help us along. It’s obvious that God created us for relationships and that we are not mean to do life alone. Michele said, “Laying down my independence began with saying it out loud: admitting a need and asking for help.” We also need one another for accountability. We need a safe place where we can express our faults and weaknesses, find grace, and be encouraged.
So I come back to the question: what does a holy life look like? The most valuable life lessons I learned didn’t come from those who have it all together (or appear to), who know all the right Bible verses, and who always do the right thing. I have learned the most from those who have walked through ugly messes, unimaginable pain, and big mistakes. So why is it that we try so hard to be like the first kind?
So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold – though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.
–1 Peter 1:6-7 New Living Translation
This is what a holy life looks like. Hanging onto and growing in our faith through real, genuine, undone moments of everyday life. It’s not going to look neat and tidy and perfect. It looks messy and even disastrous when we are too close to the picture. But as we step back and gain a new perspective, we will begin to see what a masterpiece we are creating with Him, our Artist and our Master.
What Michele reminded me is that I must let go of my idea of what the painting is supposed to look like. Trust my Artist through the messy, undone moments. Keep my eyes on the Master, who promises to never let me go. One day, I will see how every stroke (both tidy and untidy ones) was used to create a complete, beautiful, holy masterpiece.
*This is part of a series of posts I’m writing about a book by Michele Cushatt called Undone. This was the final post on the book, reflecting on chapters 18 to 21.
by BooParry | Dec 10, 2015 | #Undone, Books, FaithJourney, Series
Going a little farther, He fell facedown and prayed, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup pass from Me. Yet not as I will, but as You will.”
-Matthew 26:39 HCSB
What is your “cup”? For Michele, it was the news of cancer. Or suddenly being tossed back into raising small children. Or loving a teenage child who fought against her love.
For you, it may be being single when you so badly want to be married. It may be not being able to have children. It may be going through miscarriages. It may be a diagnosis. It may be an addiction. It may be being in a difficult marriage. It may be a relationship with your child.
I love how honest David is in the Psalms. “I am sick at heart. How long, O Lord, until you restore me? …I am worn out from sobbing. All night I flood my bed with weeping, drenching it with my tears” (Psalm 6:3,6 NLT). I can definitely relate to those nights.
I can also relate to Michele’s desire to have life “neatly packaged” and “not too interrupting.” She said, “I would’ve done anything for boring and ordinary.” That has been (still is) my desire too often for my own life. In short, I’m a perfectionist who likes to keep my life and surroundings predictable and under control.
But God desires more for my life than that. Michele wrote, “But sometimes messy is the necessary beginning to the makings of extraordinary.”
At the end of Psalm 6, David concludes, “The Lord has heard my plea; the Lord will answer my prayer.” No matter how difficult it was for him to carry his cup, he knew that God could be trusted.
Those who have faith, deep abiding faith in an Artist who has all things under his control, have no need to rehash the past or predict the future.
-Michele Cushatt, Undone*
So I ask again, what is your cup? Remember, if it’s not difficult, it would not be considered a “sacrifice.” The most difficult cup ever given led to the greatest sacrifice, which led to the most extraordinary redemption of mankind. Let’s receive this cup that God has specifically designed for us…and allow Him to lead us into the makings of extraordinary.
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by BooParry | Oct 22, 2015 | #Undone, Books, FaithJourney, Series
How many of us can relate to the feeling of running on empty? For me, it comes in two ways. There’s the everyday, being a mom to four kids, exhausted, things are not up to my standard and I’m irritable…type of “I’m spent” feeling. Then, there’s the kind that comes with emotional trauma: my “undone” moment happens, I’m unraveled, I’m emotionally spent, and I come to the same place Michele described: “God, I have nothing. Nothing. You’re going to have to show up in a big way.”
I’m there right now…and it’s a mixture of the two kinds I described above. In these moments, I feel so “unpresentable.” I feel so far from the ideal image of myself. And I feel alone. I try to pour out my feelings to my husband, but sometimes, I end up feeling worse. I either feel that he doesn’t understand, or I feel even more of a mess than I originally did, because I’m throwing a mini temper tantrum at him out of my crazy emotions. This is not the “me” I want to present to him, or to the rest of my family, or to my friends.
Yet, in those moments, I feel like a real human. I feel that all pretense is gone, my own efforts are relinquished, and I’m exactly where God wants me to be. As Apostle Paul put it, that’s the place where I’m forced to trust God totally, instead of relying on my own strength or goodness.
It was so bad we didn’t think we were going to make it. We felt like we’d been sent to death row, that it was all over for us. As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally—not a bad idea since he’s the God who raises the dead! And he did it, rescued us from certain doom. And he’ll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing.
–2 Corinthians 1:8-10 The Message Bible
I love these words Michele shared in Chapter 8, and I agree wholeheartedly.
Few things display unadulterated beauty like a pouring out when you’ve nothing to give. It must come from an otherwordly place, a well whose source you do not control. In that weak and lonely place of utter dependency, I learned a little bit about what it means to be a living sacrifice.
-Michele Cushatt, Undone*
It’s not an easy, comfortable place to be. It’s hard. It’s lonely. But, as she said, there’s beauty there. It’s only when we reach the end of ourselves that we experience this “utter dependency” on God. It’s only in this place that we truly begin to understand what Peal meant when he said, “It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me” (Galatians 2:20).
So, whether you’re running on empty because of everyday stress of life, or because you are in your undone process and you’re emotionally spent, know that as Paul said, “it’s the best thing that could have happened.” Trust me, I know it doesn’t feel like it, but it is. In this place of emptiness, when you have nothing left of yourself to give, God meets you and rescues you. And this type of life experience will have much bigger impact in your circle of influence than anything you could have accomplished on your own. Again, Michele couldn’t have said it better: “Authenticity ministers far more than put-togetherness. And vulnerability builds a far stronger bond than perfection.”
Let’s meet one another in this place of vulnerability and emptiness. Let’s remind one another of God’s grace – and of His power to rescue…time and time again.
*This is part of a series of posts I’m writing about a book by Michele Cushatt called Undone. I will write about what God is having me reflect on after each chapter. You can just read my posts, or you can join the online book club I started. Read my Invite post and Getting Started post to find out more about the book club.
This post was reflecting on Chapters 7 and 8.
Discussion Questions for the book club:
-No specific discussion questions for this week. I’d love to hear what jumped out at you from these two chapters.
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by BooParry | Sep 30, 2015 | #Undone, Books, FaithJourney, Series
Sometimes, you feel so sure of where God is leading you. Then, without warning, He takes a completely different turn. You thought He was leading you to one place, but He had something else in mind for you. A different kind of lesson. A different kind of dancing.
I’m familiar with the kind of dancing Michele experienced when she received the answer she wanted. When I think of a big answer to prayer in my life, I immediately think of my husband…my marriage. I wanted to be married for as long as I could remember. I dreamed of my Prince Charming. Well, he didn’t come on a white horse, and to be honest he wasn’t the kind of man I had expected to marry. But thankfully, God opened my eyes to see that His ways and His thoughts for me are much higher than my own. He had someone way better than what I had dreamed for myself. Year after year, I become more amazed by how incredibly blessed I am to be doing life with this man. No, he is not perfect, and our marriage is not perfect. But we are perfect for each other. Every time I think about him, or “us,” I smile. I dance. We are not without problems, but there’s no other person I’d rather share my life with…both the good and the bad. I can’t help but to dance in gratitude. Thank You, God, for answering my prayer in a way that far surpasses what I could have imagined for myself.
Then, as Michele said, there’s a different kind of dancing.
But later, when other prayers didn’t receive such neat and tidy answers, I’d have to learn a different kind of dancing, the kind that stands still. The kind that leans into the sure arms of a mysterious and unfathomable God and allows him to lead, even when she doesn’t know where he is leading.
-Michele Cushatt, Undone*
This type of dancing is a lot more challenging. It’s a lot scarier. It requires a lot more faith. It’s more like wresting than dancing…at first.
God, this is not what I prayed for! Please fix it! I don’t want to be here! God, why are you allowing this?
After you throw all your questions at Him, after all the kicking and screaming is done, after you have been emotionally and mentally “spent,” you look up…and realize that He’s still there. He has His arms wrapped around you, and He is gently leading you in this unfamiliar dance. You don’t know where He’s leading you, but you know you are safe in His arms. The peace and love you begin to feel during this dance sink way deeper than anything you’ve experienced before. That’s when you realize: This is why He’s leading me in this dance. He wants me to experience, like never before, how safe I am in His arms. How deeply loved I am by Him. He wants me to know it, experience it, believe it…and live like it. I will never be the same after this dance.
I think it’s OK to be scared at first. It’s normal to feel that we don’t want to do this. As we bring all of our fears and doubts to God, in time, He will allow us to see the beauty in this kind of dancing. He is calling us, deeper still, into love.
Love so undeniable I can hardly speak
Peace so unexplainable I can hardly think
As you call me deeper still
As you call me deeper still
As you call me deeper still
Into love love love
-Housefires. “Good Good Father.”
*This is part of a series of posts I’m writing about a book by Michele Cushatt called Undone. I will write about what God is having me reflect on after each chapter.
This post was reflecting on Chapters 3 and 4.
Discussion Questions for the book club:
-If you ever experienced this kind of dancing, what were some truths God instilled in your heart through the experience?
–In chapter 3, Michele talked about receiving courage from God in her prayer closet, yet the courage would quickly disappear as she went about her day. Can you relate? What were some things you did to regain the courage or remind yourself of God’s truth as you continued your daily tasks?
