by BooParry | Mar 5, 2017 | #Receive, FaithJourney, Intros, Series
What is your favorite childhood memory?
More specifically, when was it that you really got to experience the joy of simply being a child? A child full of joy. A child who is adored and loved. Simply someone’s child.
For me, memories that I shared with my grandfather immediately come to mind. He was my caretaker for the most of my early childhood. It’s hard to come up with a memory from those early years without him in it. When I was with him, I was a child who was adored. We lived in close proximity to each other, until my mom remarried and we moved about thirty minutes (by train) away from him. During those elementary years, I would take the train by myself almost every weekend to go visit him. When I got off the train and onto the platform, I took the flight of stairs up to the exit gates, and there he was…always waiting, never once late, his face beaming at the sight of me. That was when my soul breathed again. In his love was where my childhood soul found rest. When I was with him, I was simply…a child.
I miss that. I miss him, of course, but I also miss that feeling of simply being a child. No expectations. No agenda. No pretense. He just loved me for me. And I soaked myself in that love. I was his, he was mine, and that was enough for us both.
Fast forward thirty years. I am 37 years old. I am a wife. I am a mother to four children. I am a daughter, a daughter-in-law, a sister-in-law, a friend, a neighbor, a homemaker, a school mom, a church member, a Facebooker…. Somewhere between then and now, I lost the sense of being a child – almost completely. Yet my soul is crying out, “I’M STILL A CHILD!” Yes, I’m still very much a child. A child of the Most High God. My soul still seeks to find rest in the arms of the One who loves and adores me. My soul longs to be bathed in the kind of love that expects nothing from me in return. My soul longs to be loved like a child…and to feel like a child…again.
So that’s my journey for 2017. RECEIVE like a child. This is the theme my Heavenly Daddy has been trying to instill in me.
The honesty of a child.
The receptivity of a child.
The pure dependency of a child.
The simplicity of a child.
I want to go back to that. Through childlike wonder and expectation, I want to fully receive all that God has in store for me.
I don’t have the slightest idea where this journey will take me, but that’s always been the way with me and God. I do know that wherever we’re headed, He will always take me deeper…into His love. And that’s always a good enough deal for me.
I hope you’ll join me on the ride.
At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” He called a little child and set him before them, and said, “I assure you and most solemnly say to you, unless you repent [that is, change your inner self—your old way of thinking, live changed lives] and become like children [trusting, humble, and forgiving], you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
—Matthew 18:1-4 (Amplified Bible)
by BooParry | Sep 15, 2015 | #Undone, Books, FaithJourney, Intros, Series
Welcome, I’m glad that you’re checking this out to see if you’d like to join us on this journey. I hope you decide to do so!
Here are answers to some questions you may have:
What is this about?
It’s basically an online book club. We will be discussing the book Undone by Michele Cushatt. Please see my invitation post on how I came to chose this book and what I hope to accomplish through this book club. I will share a post every week, summarizing the chapter(s) for that week and sharing my thoughts on the content. The rest of you will have a chance to share your thoughts as well, either by commenting on the blog post (under comments) or by commenting on our closed Facebook group Smashing Sandcastle Discussions (please send a request to join the group).
Is it necessary that I purchase the book?
No, but strongly recommended. I will be posting a quick summary of the chapter(s) that we cover on my weekly blog post. You can choose to just follow my blog posts and participate in the online discussions. However, to get the most out of this group, I strongly recommend that you follow along with the book.
Where can I purchase the book?
You can find more info about the book and purchase it through the book’s official site: www.undonebook.com. Or you can purchase through Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Christianbook.com.
When will this book club start and end?
My first entry to begin the discussions will be posted the week of September 20. We will cover 1-2 chapters a week. My goal is to finish by end of the year (probably mid-December).
Will this require a lot of time on my end?
No! The chapters are short, and we will cover only 1-2 chapters a week. It should only take a few minutes of your time a week to read the book. I will share just one blog post a week that covers the chapter(s). How much you decide to participate in the online discussion is entirely up to you. I sincerely hope that each of you will take the time to share your thoughts, but you are not expected to do so every week.
Is this group opened to anyone?
Yes! My hope is to create a safe place for all women to share their thoughts and feelings, especially regarding what God is teaching them about their own “undone” experience/process. Please, please, please invite other women you know to join who may be interested.
What if I am not a reader? Or, what if I’d like to read at a faster pace?
Again the chapters are short, and we will cover 1-2 chapters a week. It’s a light load for even a non-reader to take on. If you are a reader, please feel free to read ahead and still participate in the discussion for the chapter(s) that are assigned to a particular week.
Is it necessary that I share about my “undone” experience?
No. You can share as much or as little as you want of your personal life. I personally will not be sharing details of my “undone” experience, because I’m not ready to do so. My goal for this book club is that we would encourage one another on the journey of seeking God’s presence in midst of our struggles or just everyday life. I would like the focus of our discussions to be how to seek God in midst of our struggles, instead of focusing on the personal details of our struggles. I hope that makes sense? If you’re not sure what I mean by “undone” experience, you can read my invitation post. Or you will find out soon enough as you begin reading the book.
What if I am not going through an “undone” experience?
You’re still welcome to join! Perhaps God is preparing for future chapters in your life, or maybe He will use what you gain from this book to help others through their “undone” experience.
OK, so now, how do I join?
Two ways.
1. If you have Facebook account, join our closed Facebook group called Smashing Sandcastle Discussions. Once you are a member of the group, you will automatically receive a notification on your Facebook account when I share a new post.
2. You can subscribe to this blog. You can choose to subscribe to only the book club portion of the blog by going here and checking only the “book club” box.
How do I join the discussions?
First of all, I really hope you do! I don’t want this to just be about what I have to share. I so long to hear your thoughts as well! You can join the discussions by commenting on that particular week’s blog post (under comments) or by commenting on our closed Facebook group Smashing Sandcastle Discussions (please send a request to join the group). You can choose to post anonymously on this blog. For Facebook, it’s a closed group, so only the people in the group will be able to view your posts/comments.
Can I join after the book club has already started (after September 20)?
Yes. These are short chapters, so it shouldn’t take you long to catch up. Or you can just pick up from where we are at the time that you join.
Wait, we’re not done yet!
If you’re planning on joining us, please take a minute to introduce yourself (again, you can do so in the comment section of this post, or in our Facebook group). Share what you’d like to about yourself. Please include what your hope is for this group.
Thank you! I can’t wait to “meet” you and begin this journey together!
If you have additional questions, please contact me at [email protected].
-Maria
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by BooParry | Sep 14, 2015 | #Undone, Books, FaithJourney, Intros, Series
Bringing my perfection to the world does absolutely nothing for anyone. Bringing my imperfection, that’s redeemed by loving a God, gives incredible hope.
– Michele Cushatt
Wow. It just hit me. I almost couldn’t focus on my driving. I had my five-year-old in the back of the van, and we were on our way to buy her some new ballet shoes. I just happened to have the radio on, which was playing a broadcast from Focus on the Family.
This lady who spoke of her unexpected suffering – being “undone” as she called it – described, with uttermost accuracy, the very lesson God has been pounding on my heart for the last two years.
Stop trying to bring your perfection, or even your “goodness,” to the world.
Embrace the imperfection, and seek ME in midst of every imperfection. Experience the truth of “Apart from Me you can do nothing.” In the process, you will bring real hope – the hope that’s only found in Me – to the world.
This is it. This is what I’m called to do: to share this truth to the world, using my own personal experiences. I have this inner longing, this “I can’t hold it back at all” feeling that I’ve not known before. This moment I encountered in the van was what brought me back to yet another attempt at blogging (grin).
This was a life lesson God has been whispering to my heart long before my own “undone” moment came. I mean, just look at what I decided to name this blog when I first began in 2012. Smashing Sandcastle: Imperfect Life of a Perfectionist. Yet, it wasn’t until my “undone” moment happened that I was forced to experience this truth. What I, and I believe Michele, mean by “undone” is this: when your perfect (or seemingly perfect) world is shattered unexpectedly and you are stripped of any false security or your own efforts that you were hanging onto, perhaps even unknowingly. The moment when there’s nothing left in yourself, and the only choice before you is either to be engulfed by utter despair…OR to seek God, more desperately than ever before, and reach out just to touch the edge of His garment for healing. Some of you may know what I’m talking about, and some of you may not. Either way, I hope you will join me on this journey!
Ladies, we are bombarded by the appearances of “happy” and “perfect.”
My friend’s family pictures on Facebook…they look like they came out of a magazine. Wow, look at what their kids can do. My kids have never said anything that sweet to me. Oh look, another display of what her perfect husband did for her…for no reason at all. And what…they are having another baby?
Oh, and let’s not even mention Pinterest.
She made WHAT for her son’s birthday party? How in the world does she have time to be a wife and a mom, make healthy meals from scratch, sew a costume, and still look that good?
I know I’m not the only one who’s had these thoughts!
I’m not saying that it’s wrong to share happy posts…I share them all the time. It’s in our nature that we desire to share our happiness, express ourselves, and be recognized. We want to share about our adventures, our talents, our families, and our accomplishments with the world. Many of us even desire to share God’s goodness through our happy posts.
I come back to the point, though, that we are bombarded by happy posts in the world of social media. More often than not, despite the good intentions of those posting, these happy posts leave some people feeling like they’re lacking. They often feel that their life should be just as happy and perfect, but they are hit with the reality that it’s not. In midst of all the “perfection” displayed in social media, they don’t feel they have anything to share, because their life is the opposite of perfect. I know of a few friends who have gotten off Facebook, because it was too difficult for them to see all the happy family posts, when their own family life was in such turmoil.
Again, I don’t believe happy posts are wrong. My point is, this blog will not be a place that is filled with “look how happy my life is” kind of posts. This will be a place that shares the messiness, the imperfection, and even the unhappiness of life. But it will NOT be a place to just rant and soak in self-pity.
This will be a place…where, in midst of our struggles and mess, we find meaning, courage, peace, hope, and even joy, by seeking God’s presence. I am confident that Michele’s book Undone will help us to do so on this journey. This will be a place where we share how this truth looks like in day-to-day life.
Just look at the Bible. God’s glory, goodness, and grace revealed through imperfect people making mistakes…big mistakes. God always met them in their mess. If the Bible had its own Facebook account, it will be filled with posts of messiness, imperfection, and weakness that are redeemed by encountering the presence of God.
So if you’re in the wilderness, if you have been thrown a curveball, if you unexpectedly found yourself being “undone,” if your life is so imperfect it’s not even funny – you have come to the right place. You will feel right at home.
Here is my plan. We will go through the book Undone by Michele Cushatt, one to two chapters a week (they are short chapters; it should only take a few minutes a week to read). I will share more details on the next post. For now, I want to give you a heads up that I will be starting this soon. Also, I want to give you a head start in purchasing her book, which you can do here. Buying the book is not required to participate in the online discussions; you can follow along and participate as I write about each chapter in this blog. However, I do highly recommended that you read the book with us.
I hope that you will share with other women in your life and bring more people to share in this messy yet transforming adventure!
Let’s bring God’s lasting hope to the world by sharing not our own perfections, but our imperfections that are redeemed by loving God and seeking His presence. I’m so excited!
*If you would like to listen to the Focus on the Family broadcast, you can get to it here. Michele gives a preview of what her book is about.
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by BooParry | May 2, 2012 | Adoption, Intros, Key
Wow. Where do I begin. It’s been a crazy, emotional, wonderful journey already, and as I type this, we haven’t even submitted our application to an agency yet (update: this was first written a month ago, we have now applied and been accepted by our agency).
I can’t remember when or how I first came up with the idea to adopt. I do remember that whenever I read or heard about an adoption story (particularly from China), I was always moved to tears. One time I found a children’s book called I Love You Like Crazy Cakes (a story about a mother adopting a daughter from China). As I flipped through the pages, I was in tears. After we had our first daughter, I casually introduced the idea of adoption to my husband. At that time, we had decided we want four children. I told him that I would like to birth another child but would like to consider adoption for our third child. He quickly answered, “Sure!” There was no hint of hesitation. After this initial conversation, he became a bigger advocate for adoption than me. He expressed his desire to adopt our child #3 and #4. We figured that we’d begin our adoption process around the time our second child turned one and receive our child #3 by the following year. Well, child #2 came by birth as we had planned. After her arrival, time flew even faster than it did before. Before we knew it, we were celebrating her second birthday, and nothing had begun regarding adoption.
Around this time, some people I knew were pregnant or trying to get pregnant with their third. All of a sudden, I wanted to jump into the same “baby wagon,” and I told my husband that I wanted to pursue a third pregnancy. He said he didn’t care either way, as long as we eventually adopted at least one child. If I was to be completely honest with myself, my motives for wanting a third pregnancy were a bit selfish. I wanted to experience the hype and attention that came with pregnancy and delivery of a new baby. I wanted to “join the club” of others who were pregnant. I wrestled with this thought for a few months.
I began to really seek God for guidance. It seemed as though everywhere I turned, I encountered some sort of adoption story or story about girls who were not wanted/abandoned in certain countries. Allan and I were drawn to the idea of adopting girl(s) from countries where they are considered not favored or important. I had a heart-to-heart moment with God, and I clearly sensed that His desire for our family in this current season was to make adoption our primary focus. We can “talk” about it to death, but were we actually going to answer His call and pursue it?
Even after having this assurance, I still had doubts. There was still a part of me that wanted to birth another baby. I thought perhaps I could pursue both pregnancy and adoption at the same time. I quickly found that this was not allowed in most adoption cases (our application process will be placed on hold if I became pregnant, until our baby was at least six-months old). This would interfere with our plan to make adoption our primary focus. I had two conflicting desires in my heart, and I was in emotional turmoil. I asked for God to grant me increased peace and certainty. He did.
I asked myself, if I had to choose one or the other, which one would I choose? Even though I had desires for both, I knew in my heart that the answer was clear: I would choose adoption. My husband was in full agreement with this, which was an added confirmation. Around this time, a couple I knew from college had traveled to China to adopt their first child, and they posted detailed photos throughout their entire trip on Facebook. I was hooked. I was blown away. I was inspired. I cried looking at many of their pictures. There was no turning back. I had to experience this miracle for myself!
Since then, I have not looked back. When I hear of someone else getting pregnant, I feel a tint of jealousy, but it doesn’t last long. I quickly turn my attention to our calling, our journey. I am an adoption-addict these days. I’ve been introduced to several different families who have adopted from China. I never get tired of hearing each family’s story. Every time they get to the part where they knew this adopted child was theirs, my eyes fill up with tears. Within this last month, it has transformed from a simple desire into a compulsion. We need to do this. It is imperative for us to do this. For our family, it has become a matter of obedience. God has spoken. We will answer and obey. I realized that the turmoil I was experiencing was about deciding to be on board with God’s plan halfway or 100%. I choose 100%. Having the assurance that God is leading every step of this process has allowed my fears to be transformed into excitement. I am thrilled to unfold this next chapter God has in store for us. I cannot wait to turn the page!
Somewhere halfway across the world right now, my child #3 could be alive and breathing. This thought makes me want to jump on a plane right now. Mommy is coming, Sweetheart, Mommy is coming. I have so much love to give, you won’t have enough room in your heart to contain it. I know God will keep you safe until I hold you in my arms. Mommy is coming. Wait just a little while longer, I am coming…for you.
This category of my blog will be dedicated to our family’s adoption journey. I hope you’ll jump on board for the ride.
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by BooParry | Mar 9, 2012 | Intros, Key, Single
“Someday my prince will come….”
This thought occupied my mind all day and night for the majority of my childhood and teenage years. Looking back on it, I think I was obsessed. I was an only child, and my imagination was often advanced for my age. I also was lonely due to lack of a father figure during my early childhood years (until my stepfather came along). I was addicted to Japanese romance comic books. They were worse than Hollywood movies. They portrayed the kind of romance that would never happen in real life. I grew up expecting that my future prince will be just like the characters I was reading about in those comic books. I always had a “crush” on someone I hardly knew and completely painted him in a way that fit the description of my ideal. Good thing I never dated any of my crushes – I’m sure I would have been sorely disappointed. Instead of actually getting to know some of these guys (even as friends), I was deathly shy. I spent my childhood and teenage years just dreaming away…anxiously waiting for my Prince Charming.
A New Concept
Then I met Jesus. I was first introduced to Him in seventh grade, and as the years passed, I learned about Him more and more. Not only did I come to know about Him, I began to know Him personally. I began to experience His love. I discovered the priceless truth: He is the only One who can fill the void in my life (that desire to be accepted and loved unconditionally). I cannot place that expectation on another human being. It was a huge eye-opener for me. However, even though I understood this truth in my mind, it took a bit longer for me to accept it in my heart.
“God Bless the Broken Road”
After attending Christian school and college for a total of ten years, I faced the “real world” for the first time after I graduated from college. I experienced new things and encountered much diversity. Now that I was out of my small bubble, guys began to pay attention to me. I enjoyed this very much. One guy in particular wooed my heart. He made me feel so special in a way that I always dreamed of. We quickly fell far deeper into the relationship than we had intended to. It did not take me long, however, to realize that things were not right. God (the Holy Spirit) was nudging at my heart. This guy and I had two different values and belief systems. We were not heading in the same direction. Deep inside, I knew he was not the right guy for me. I remember God whispering softly to me: Maria, you have to choose. You can’t have him and Me both. If you try to keep us both, you will have too much turmoil in your heart. I knew this was true. It was one of the hardest things I did up to this point. I had to let go of this relationship. There were many tears, but God quickly brought me to the other side of the tunnel. He showed me how disastrous of a future I was headed with this guy. I saw a whole different side of his character after the breakup. More importantly, I saw God’s grace. He protected me from heading into disaster and preserved me for the very best He had in store for me.
“More Than Enough”
One Valentine’s Day weekend in my mid-twenties, I decided to go on a “date” with God. I decided to unplug from friends, media, and family, and just enjoy being “wooed” by God. I chose the most romantic spots to spend my time: I read my Bible, relaxed, wrote on my journal, and prayed. He showered me with His love (He even tangibly expressed it: following the weekend, my parents surprised me with flowers at work). I experienced in my heart what I had known in my mind for a long time. God was truly enough. He was more than enough. His love filled every void in my heart. My joy was complete with Him. The phrase “You complete me” from Jerry Maguire rang true for me – except it wasn’t another guy who completed me, it was God. I knew this joy would never be taken away from me, even if my human “prince” never came. If and when he did come, he would just be the “icing on the cake.” My happiness and joy were complete in my one true Prince: Jesus.
A few weeks after this experience, my human prince did come…but not on a white horse. On a white airplane. Not as a prince. As a stalker. But more on that later (see marriage).
This category of my blog is dedicated to the journey of my “single” years. My posts will come from journal entries that I have written along the way, as well as the lessons that I clearly see now as I look back. I will also share from experiences of my dear friends who are currently single (with their permission, of course). I pray that these experiences and lessons will encourage the single men and women who are waiting for the right person.
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by BooParry | Mar 5, 2012 | Intros, Key, Marriage
Far From a Fairy Tale
My husband and I are not your romantic, Hollywood-movie type of couple. First, we don’t have the look. Second, we are not very classy and elegant. The kind of “passionate romance” we see in popular media does not come close to describing our relationship. If we were ever being filmed in our home, you’ll see us in our T-shirt and jeans (or pajamas), sitting at our dining table drinking coffee, and laughing hysterically together.
Simple Love. That’s how I would describe “us.” So comfortable. So natural. So simple.
I love doing life with this man.
I was a hopeless romantic my whole life. I thought I knew the kind of ideal relationship I was looking for. Instead, the relationship God brought to my life was completely different from what I had imagined. It’s so much better!
I do not go weak at my knees every time he looks at me. We do not passionately make out as soon as he comes home from work. He does not shower me with flowers, gifts, and poems.
Instead, on occasions I still encounter the toilet seat left up. It drives me crazy how he loses his keys or phone or wallet and roams around the house expressing his frustration. He is not shy about passing gas (no joke). He demonstrates these ridiculous “strip shows” before we make love that leaves me crying from laughter (not your typical “pillow talk”).
These six years I’ve been married to him have been so completely different from the “happily ever after” I dreamed of for twenty-six years before I married him. But I would not trade one second of it.
Opposites Attract
It’s not always easy. Actually, in the beginning, it was excruciatingly difficult! I wasn’t sure if we were really going to make it to the altar. To this date, our dating and engagement seasons were the toughest times we faced as a couple (something else that did not go according to my ideals!).
We went through a crash course at the very beginning. We were faced with many differences. Differences in our genders. Differences in our backgrounds. Differences in our personalities. Differences in our communication styles. We were frequently hit with so many conflicts that we not only sought help from God through prayer, but also from trusted teachers/counselors. I had a hard time letting go of my deep-rooted fears and unrealistic expectations. I was looking to him too much to meet my needs and to be my security. Of course, he failed. I was disappointed. He didn’t understand me like I thought he should. He didn’t sympathize or say the right things. He wasn’t sensitive like all my girlfriends were. God quickly showed me through our dating stage (and our first year of marriage) that I had to let go of the unfair expectations I was placing on him. He’s someone I was to do life with – not someone who was there to make me happy all the time. It didn’t take long for me to realize that this was a growing opportunity. Marriage gave me a chance to put aside my desires and try to meet someone else’s needs instead. We both grew so much within those first few years. Now, looking back, I see that God was allowing us to build a solid foundation, not only for our marriage but also for our home. Just a year and a half after we were married, we welcomed our first daughter. By then, our relationship was so solid that there really was no issue of this baby getting in the way of our marriage. Next to our relationship with God, we both knew that our marriage took the top priority.
Rainy Days
We also went through some hard seasons together within the first few years. These trials taught me that our life together can’t always be peachy and full of laughter. Since I’m married to such an outwardly expressive guy, when things are good, he makes everything so much fun! But the opposite is also true. When things are not so great, his frustration, chaos and negativity permeate through the home. In those times, I learned that I can’t be soaking myself in “self-pity.” I need to be a prayer warrior. I need to protect and preserve the positive attitude in our home. I also can’t be the “Holy Spirit” in my husband’s life. I need to trust God to carry him through the tough times – and He always does. The tough times bring us closer together, and my faith in God is greatly increased after every trial. They also make the good times even that much sweeter.
I know that we still have much more to learn and grow. We still have many days when our “selfishness” gets in the way of trying to be there for the other person. But we know we are not alone. The security of our marriage relies not on how capable or knowledgeable we are, but on how capable and wise our God is.
- God is at the center of our marriage – we seek Him first, and we do not have to rely on our human capabilities.
- We are REAL and humble with each other; we both have a teachable spirit.
- We are full of laughter.
These are the three key ingredients to our marriage…with this mix, I know that we will make it. We also long for other couples to share in this confidence.
This category of my blog is dedicated to the ongoing journey of our marriage. I will post some current adventures as well as my past adventures that I have written in my journals along the way. I hope our experiences will give some insight and encouragement to other married couples in their own journey.
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