by BooParry | Sep 24, 2012 | Key, Parenting
Higher than the mountains that I face
Stronger than the power of the grave
Constant through the trial and the change
One thing remains
One thing remains
Your love never fails it never gives up it never runs out on me
On and one and on and on it goes
It overwhelms and satisfies my soul
And I never ever have to be afraid
One thing remains
–Song by Jesus Culture
ONE THING.
I think of my special Peanut and her strong will. Her determination. What will she set her mind on as her life purpose? Whatever it may be, I have no doubt she will accomplish it. I desire this for her: personal accomplishments, great influence, big success. But I desire ONE THING more.
I think of my sweet Little Bit and her easy-going spirit. How she can work her charms to wrap anyone around her little finger. I picture her life as one that’s surrounded by friends and people who love her. I picture her eventually finding a man who desires to make her every wish come true. I dream of these things for her: great friends, a wonderful man, so much love. But I desire ONE THING more.
I think of our China doll, whom we have yet to meet. I wonder what kind of magnificent story God has in store for her: taking her out of an orphanage in China, and bringing her all the way across the world into the arms of a family who loves and adores her. I wonder how she will use this extravagant story to touch the lives of others, to bring them hope and shine God’s goodness. Yes, I want this bigger-than-life story for her. But I desire ONE THING more than all else.
I want them to know and experience the love of Jesus.
I am blessed beyond measure. I love the story God has written for my life. I love my family, my friends, and my church. I love the people God placed in my path. I love the memories I have built.
Through it all, my one constant factor in life has been Jesus. Even before I knew Him, His love was pursuing after my heart. Deep inside, there was a void that I wasn’t able to fill. He knew all along that His love was the ONE THING that can. His love truly does “overwhelm and satisfy my soul”…like no other love can, not even my husband’s. Oh, how I long for my children to know and experience this love.
Parenting. It’s such a simple word with so much meaning. So much joy. So much struggle. So many lessons. So much to grow (for both sides). Yet I pray that I will not lose focus of this ONE THING I desire for them to grab hold of. Yes, I will do my best to train them in their intellect, their manners, their abilities, and their talents. But ONE THING. This ONE THING will always be the focal point of my parenting. It will always be at the very top of my prayers for them.
Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
–Ephesians 3:17-19 New Living Translation
Amen and Amen. My dear children, until I breathe my dying breath, I will not stop praying this prayer for you.
by BooParry | Apr 14, 2012 | Key, Parenting
My day with Peanut falls under one of the following three types:
Battle Day: ‘Nuff said.
Peace Day: These are days when everything opposite of Battle Day happens. She’s cooperative, doesn’t interfere with my plans, and keeps herself busy if I need her to. These are the days I dare to whisper (as I knock on wood), “She is so easy.”
In reality, most days are somewhere in between. I call this Finding Neutral Ground Day. It’s when she’s not in a full battle mode, but she constantly tries to test her limits. She loves to see how far she can go. She also loves to push buttons to see how I will react. She loves to pull me into a power struggle. It’s a challenge for me to resist being pulled into one and to keep enforcing boundaries and consequences with calmness. Another challenge is to let go of my idealistic expectation (of wanting it to be a Peace Day) and find a neutral ground instead.
I just experienced this type of day today, so allow me to describe it to give you a better picture.
Every morning, she wants to know the day’s agenda. Today’s agenda was a bit more complex than usual. I explained to her, “We’ll drop off LittleBit at Mimi’s house, because Mimi is taking her to a birthday party. You and I will hang out, then later Mimi will take you to Japanese school.”
I knew that she understood the agenda the first time around, but lately she developed a habit of asking me repeating questions.
“Mommy, may I go to Mimi’s house with LittleBit?”
“Mommy, may I go to Japanese school with Mimi?”
“Mommy, what are we doing today?”
She will bring up one question at a time periodically, until I lay down the law to let her know she must stop. “I’ve already answered that question for you. You know what you’re doing today. Do not ask again.”
Once the “I’ll Ask Mommy Questions I Know the Answers To” round was done, next came the never-ending “Potty Power Struggle” round. Potty-training a strong-willed child is a topic I will write about in detail later (by the way, I did it all wrong). For now, I will briefly mention how it’s been a constant power struggle ever since. Bottom line, she does not like to be told when to go. She would rather wait until the very last second, until she has to go so badly that she can hardly take off her pants by herself. This is a battle I try not to choose. However, there are times (like today) when I’m getting ready to put them in the van and she’s doing the pee-pee dance and I need her to go. She then tries to put up a bit of a fight, and I use my stern voice to say she must go. Next she tries the “passive-aggressive” angle and heads to the bathroom only to sit on the floor. Sometimes it’s not about going potty. Sometimes it’s about washing the hands. She hates being told what to do or when to do it. She first tries to object openly and when that doesn’t fly, she tries to passively delay because she knows I want her to do it quickly. It drives me absolutely up the wall. Still, I try my best to keep my calm and administer the consequence if I need to, when she does not obey immediately and/or completely.
After the potty round, we finally went out. I dropped off LittleBit, and I decided that I want to spend some quality time with Peanut. I told her that we’d go to lunch after we run some errands. At the bank, she did not stand still next to me for a second. I was constantly telling her not to touch things or crawl on the floor. We came out of the bank, then came the “I’ll Take My Time Getting into My Car Seat” round. Again, she knew that’s what I wanted her to do, so she subtly pretended that other things in the van were keeping her attention. I then took a privilege away from her of something she wanted. She quickly gave up that power struggle.
Lunch went really well after this. The way she stood in line with me to order food was a major improvement from the bank. We enjoyed our lunch together and headed home. When we arrived home, before she gave up the power struggles altogether, she had to go for one more round of “Potty Power Struggle” as she demonstrated another pee-pee dance on our way back into the house.
I just described half of my day with Peanut. No major outburst, but throwing out a minor power struggle here and there to see how I will bite, mixed in with her very busy and unique personality. I’ve become accustomed to having a day like this. It’s much better than a full-blown battle day. Still, for a perfectionist who likes everything to run smoothly and peacefully, it can be a challenge to say the least.
Later on as we were in the van, a children’s worship CD was playing. Peanut asked if I would sing with her. I said yes. We both began singing these words together:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me
(“You Never Let Go” by Matt Redman)
As we sang this loudly and proudly (both out of tune), I knew that Peanut and I arrived at the Neutral Ground for today…or maybe just for this moment. It’s a place where we can both put aside all the stress and conflicts we had shared and find a way to connect with each other. She loves to sing; I love worship music. At the Neutral Ground, we’re able to discount the frustration and simply let each other know, “I still love you.”
I rely on God’s wisdom and strength during the battle days.
I rejoice and praise God during the peace days.
On a day like today, I keep smashing my sandcastle (my ideals) and allow God to mold me into a mother who has a little more patience, a little more calmness, and a whole lot of more love for my Peanut.
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by BooParry | Feb 13, 2012 | Intros, Key, Parenting
It’s very hard for me to communicate what it’s like to be a mother to my firstborn child (whom we affectionately call “Peanut”). She is so unique, and being her mother is unlike anything I’ve expected it to be. At the beginning, I would have said that it’s not a journey I would have chosen for myself. Now, after four years into the journey, I would not trade it for anything in the world. Here’s a summary of the roller-coaster adventures I have experienced with Peanut these last four years:
Surprise – The shock that came after Peanut’s birth was half my fault. I had dreamed of being a mother my whole life, but I never stopped to think of what it was actually going to be like. As an only child, I’ve been a “little adult” my whole life. I didn’t have much practice taking care of babies or children. I was used to so much freedom – doing whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, for as long as I wanted. I did not prepare myself nearly enough for how that world was about to change…drastically.
The other half of the shock was due to the fact that “easy going” was about the farthest phrase possible to describe my baby. God showed me from very early on that my ideal perspective of what it’s like to be a mother had to change dramatically.
Guilt – We struggled with breastfeeding for about a month. Even after it was finally mastered, my baby was very hard to please. I didn’t feel “connected” to her as I thought I should. I did not feel the instant affection that many other moms talked about. She didn’t seem particularly attached to me, and some days I didn’t feel particularly attached to her. With this realization came a large amount of guilt. What was wrong with me? I did not feel like someone whose dream had just come true. I felt more like someone who was daily trying to survive. As a toddler, she was very energetic and still hard to please. It was becoming very clear that she had a mind of her own and a strong determination. During both the baby and toddler stages, I welcomed any break I was able to receive from taking care of her. I relied heavily on the help of my supportive husband and mother. As if the feelings of guilt were not enough, I also felt very inadequate as a mother.
Battles – Ages two and three were filled with numerous battles. Her strong-willed nature manifested itself in full-force. Many of these battles involved heavy tears on both hers and my end. I constantly prayed for God’s wisdom. I often asked those closest to me to pray on my behalf (and I still do). There were many episodes, at home and in public, that made me think, “This cannot possibly be happening to me. I am not supposed to be that parent with an out-of-control child.” Once Peanut set her mind to something, she gave everything she had to fight for it. She had no reservation about taking a stand against me, and she also knew how to push my buttons. When her anger surpassed a certain level, there was very little I could do to calm her down or redirect her. Growing up, I was not used to being a part of any conflict, and at times her aggression scared me. I experienced more conflicts and oppositions with her in four years than I had in my whole life up to this point.
New Perspective – During these last four years, God has taught me so many lessons along the way. He taught me how to embrace life when it doesn’t turn out the way I pictured in my head. He taught me how to let go of guilt and insecurity, and instead trust in His process of molding me into the mother He has designed me to be. He taught me how to handle the tough battles with wisdom and calmness. Believe me, I’m far from where I can say I have “mastered” those lessons. I still struggle with disappointment, guilt, frustration, etc. But looking back, I can see that so much of my perspective has changed since four years ago. Instead of idealizing motherhood as a constant blissful season of life, I now see it as a huge opportunity to grow as a person. Instead of viewing my child’s strong-willed nature as an inconvenient trial, I now see it as an honor to be entrusted by God with this great responsibility of raising her. She challenges me everyday, and I continually discover the jewels hidden under her unique personality. She genuinely cares for others, especially when they are hurt. She is ultra sensitive; there’s so much depth to her thoughts and emotions. She is a natural leader; once she’s comfortable with the environment, she assumes the leadership role and takes charge (she just hasn’t learned to be tactful yet in her leadership). She is not afraid to stand up for what’s right, even if she has to go against the crowd. She loves to be helpful and get things done. She is extremely smart and pays attention to every detail. She has a great sense of humor. No two days are alike with her. She stretches me in every direction, but as I already said, I would not trade being her mother for any other role in the world. I’m so grateful for this new perspective God has developed in me during the last four years. My heart is full of excitement (instead of fear or doubt), as I think about the next fourteen years and beyond that I have with her.
This category of my blog is dedicated to my ongoing journey of raising my strong-willed child, Peanut. I will post some current adventures as well as my past adventures that I have written in my journals along the way…and how being her mother has taught me so much and helped me to grow as a person.
