Funny that I’m using the term “New Year” when it’s already mid-March. My last post was in October of 2013, so yes, life has been busy!
But I am sooo ready to get back into the blogging world. I hope my readers (and some new ones) are ready to jump back on the journey with me!
A quick recap of 2013 – I started out the year with my goal of being “TRUTHFUL” (click on link to read my post on this). 2013 has taken me on an unbelievable journey. First, it was a journey of trying to be more truthful in my interactions with people close to me (instead of always trying to please them). Then in the second half of the year, life took some unexpected turns and the word “truthful” took on a different meaning. I came to a place where I had to face some “truths” about myself. This was very hard and humbling. It’s actually a process that’s still going on, and when I’m ready, I will be sure to blog all about it. Then towards end of the year, God brought me to a place of true WORSHIP. He reminded me that being TRUTHFUL – being TRUE to myself – was really about fulfilling the ultimate purpose for my life…which is to be a WORSHIPER of God. I was created to WORSHIP. This is my true identity. This is where I can be the most truthful – to myself, to God, and to others.
I know it’s pretty vague – but I had to write that for myself as a quick summary of 2013. Again, I will write more on all this later.
This brings me to 2014. For the past few years, I have sought God to give me a word that sort of describes my goal/mission for the year. This year, it couldn’t fit into a single word. My phrase this year is “In His Presence.” This year, perhaps more than ever, I need His presence. I need it constantly. I need it every minute of every hour. I NEED Him. I want to be more intentional about staying in His presence…being in sweet communion with Him constantly. It’s so necessary yet so hard to do, especially as a mother of three!
Blogging really helps me to be in His presence…because most of the time when I blog, I’m reflecting on something He has taught me in the past or is currently teaching me. I am reminded of His goodness and His faithfulness as I reflect on my life experiences.
Some changes…
In addition to a new blog design (a BIG thanks to my friend from Blue Yonder Design), I want to make some changes to my blog. I felt like I was all over the place with this blog. I want to concentrate on specific topics at a time (maybe write 2-3 posts in a row on a particular topic), instead of picking a topic randomly and moving on to something else on the next post.
Here are some topic series that I have in mind….
How to choose the right kind of spouse
Practical tips on raising a strong-willed child
Practical tips on helping your children develop loving sibling relationships
How to effectively communicate with your spouse
In a nutshell, I want to make my blog more focused and practical.
I always try to write from my heart, a place where I’m real, but today…it’s going to be extra “raw.” I write from a place of pain. My heart aches excruciatingly. But deep inside, I know that it’s a “good pain.” I’m not an athlete, but I think those who are will be able to relate to this kind of pain.
Growing pains. Strengthening pains. And someday, I’ll be able to look back and call it “rewarding pains.”
It seems ironic that peace and pain can co-exist inside my heart…but this is not my first time.
The immediate example that comes to mind is the time I made the decision to leave California. If you had asked me if that was even a remote possibility one year before I made the decision, I would have told you, “No way. You’re crazy to even suggest that I’d ever leave California. This is my home. This is the home of people that I love. This is where most of my friends are.” Yet, in His small still voice, God told me that it was time to let go. As I type this and remember the experience, it still brings me to tears. It was by far one of the most difficult decisions I ever had to make. As painful as it was – and walking through that decision was even more painful – I had peace, deep in my heart, that it was the right decision.
I had to walk out in faith…that indeed God had spoken to me and that it was the best decision for my life. I was not able to know then what I know now. I had no idea what my life in Florida will look like in one year…in five years…in ten years. In fact, my 10th anniversary from the big move will be this coming August. I look back in awe. God, You are SO good, and SO faithful. I am in tears (again) for a different reason. I am overwhelmed by the thought of how much I would have missed out on, had I not followed God’s lead because it was going to be too painful for me. I look at my husband of almost seven years…I can’t imagine life without him by my side. I look at the faces of my two little girls…they wouldn’t have existed!
How joyful are those who fear the Lord— all who follow his ways! You will enjoy the fruit of your labor. How joyful and prosperous you will be! Your wife will be like a fruitful grapevine, flourishing within your home. Your children will be like vigorous young olive trees as they sit around your table. That is the Lord’s blessing for those who fear him. Psalm 128:1-4 NLT
Now, I find myself in another season of “growing pains.” Another season of “labor” as the psalmist puts it above. My heart aches and the tears won’t stop. But deep inside, I have peace.
It was a little over a month ago that I claimed this was going to be a year of being Truthful – to who God has made me, to what God has placed on my heart, and to what God has called me to do.
I’m glad He didn’t give me a preview of what just the first month of 2013 was going to look like. If He did, I would have undoubtedly chosen a different word. God has definitely provided me with ample opportunities to put myself to the test in this area. I’ve had to choose what’s right over what’s easy. I’ve had to choose to be truthful over being agreeable. I’ve had to speak the truth, in love and grace, even if doing so meant causing a rift, or a ripple, in my “perfect world.” It also has meant that I can no longer appear “perfect” in other people’s eyes. It has meant opening way to some criticism or disagreement. It has meant giving room to being misunderstood or misperceived. Again, it’s only been the first month, and I can’t believe in how many areas this word truthful had to apply…in friendships, with family, and in our adoption process.
These words have brought encouragement as I have been learning to walk out of my comfort zone:
Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. -Ephesians 4:15
“Criticism is the cost of influence.” – Rick Warren
“If you do things God’s way, He will give you double for your trouble.” – Joyce Meyer
For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right. O Lord of Heaven’s Armies, what joy for those who trust in you. -Psalm 84:11-12 NLT
I wouldn’t be lying if I said I’m a little scared of what the rest of the year holds for me. But I choose His way, over and over again. I choose to trust Him. I believe, with all my heart, that in ten years (or even less), I will look back on this season and say to myself, “Wow, look at all that I would have missed out on…had I not followed God’s lead because it was going to be too painful for me.” I believe that I will look back and see how much I was able to grow in Christ, how much God had increased His sphere of influence through my life, and how much good I was able to receive…all because I chose to answer His call to be truthful.
No, O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God. -Micah 6:8 NLT
That’s the word God placed on my heart for 2013. And already, it’s been a challenging word to strive for.
I suffer from People Pleasing Disorder. My greatest fear is letting someone down. At a glance, it seems like a humble, selfless trait. It’s not. It’s actually very selfish and prideful. I do not want to appear less than “perfect” as a wife, a mom, a daughter, and a friend. I want to meet everyone’s expectations. When someone even hints at something that I failed to meet, I am offended easily and take it personally. My husband probably suffers from this the most. When he simply points out we need more of this or that (usually grocery items) in the house, I secretly get irritated. To me, he’s pointing out something I failed to complete. To him, he just wants some more milk. I know; it’s sickening. It’s very unhealthy, actually.
Recently I had a situation with a close friend of mine. A difference of opinion turned into a few weeks of emotionally exhausting turmoil. Bottom line, I had a hard time dealing with the perception that I am a “less than perfect” friend for her. This has been a very humbling lesson to learn.
What I realized is this: I need to work on developing a healthier conscience. A God-driven conscience, not a people-pleasing, perfectionist-wannabe conscience. I need to create healthier emotional boundaries for myself.
Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. –Ephesians 4:14-15
My thoughts, emotions, and conscience are “tossed around” way too much. So this is my new “goal” for the year: God directing my conscience, speaking the truth in love, and not worry so much about other people’s opinions of me. This will allow me to grow more in Christ. I will strive to be truthful to who God made me, what God has placed on my heart, and what God has called me to do.
What I am NOT saying is that I will try to change my personality. I am naturally a soft, easy-going, agreeable, peaceful type of person. That’s how God made me. I am never going to be “in your face” type of gal. However, in those moments when God is calling me to be “truthful” more than agreeable, I need to take the harder road of being truthful…in love.
Truth and love…it’s a hard balance to reach, but I know of the greatest example – The Cross.
I expect it will be a long process for me to learn, but I am committed to this goal. I’m excited for all that 2013 will bring forth from this word: Truthful.
Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. –Galatians 1:10
Lord, with all my heart, I seek to follow You and to please You, not people. Please help me to remember Who it is that I am living for. Help me to follow the footsteps of Jesus, and live my life with Truth and Love. I desire to grow this year more than ever before. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
