by BooParry | Sep 22, 2015 | #Undone, Books, FaithJourney, Series
At six o’clock I woke up to a life I loved. By eight thirty it was gone.
-Michele Cushatt, Undone*
Have you had an experience like that? One moment, your life was just peachy. Sure, there were little things that bothered you, worried you, or annoyed you at certain times. But for the most part, you were pretty pleased with your life. You were pretty satisfied with yourself. Then, very unexpectedly, everything changes. The life that you knew and were comfortable with – is gone. You lose your sense of control. You lose your sense of security. What is the first feeling that attacks you? For most of us, I’m guessing that feeling is fear.
For me, it didn’t happen in one moment like it did for Michele. It happened over the course of a few weeks. I was struck with fear. I’ve had bad days before, of course, but this was different. I knew, at the deepest part of my being, that I was entering the “unknown.” I didn’t know how long it would last. I didn’t know where it would take me. I didn’t know what the future held. For a perfectionist who likes to have things planned out, there were too many unknowns. Michele put it so precisely: “I prefer to plot and plan, save and stock up.” That was me. Yet here I was. God was leading me on a path I was not prepared for. I was overwhelmed by fear.
For months afterwards, one single thought consumed me: I want to go back. I want a time machine that can take me back to before everything changed. I want a “do over.” I don’t want to walk this road of unknowns anymore! Please, God, take me back.
Yet, I couldn’t. He wouldn’t. It was out of my control. I also knew, without a doubt, that God had me on this road for a reason. Never before had I been so certain that I was right smack in the middle of God’s will for my life. Funny, I’ve spent many years as a Christian. I always wanted to “get” there…to a place where I knew for sure that I was in the middle of His will. I finally reached that place…which happened to be a place of utter despair and brokenness. How ironic is that?
The day cancer showed up in my life, God showed up bigger. He served up a portion of his presence, enough for one day. Enough to reassure me I’m not alone.
How I can relate. I wanted answers and instant fix. Instead, God gave me Himself…just enough to help me through, one day at a time. He gave me the same assurance He gave Michele: I am with you. Trust Me.
I knew that the road ahead was going to be rocky…and long. I had (still have) no idea when it would end. A huge part of me still wanted to just go back. I missed the knowns, the comfort, the security. In front of me, all I could see was a mountain, a Goliath, a battlefield. It seemed too BIG to face. Yet, God wanted to show up bigger. It would be through this road (not around it), that I would truly experience and know – that I am not alone. He is with me.
And that was enough…for that moment, that day.
One side note: I often compare my undone experience to hers. Hers was cancer, mine was something entirely different (not health-related) that I’m not prepared to disclose. I didn’t want to scare any family member who may be reading this.
*All the quotes used in this post are from the book Undone by Michele Cushatt. This is part of a series of posts I’m writing about her book. I will write about what God is having me reflect on after each chapter. You can just read my posts, or you can join the online book club I started. Read my Invite post and Getting Started post to find out more about the book club.
This post was reflecting on Chapters 1 and 2.
Discussion Questions for the book club:
-If you ever had a similar “undone” experience, what were some of your initial thoughts and feelings?
-How did God “show up bigger” or how did you hear His whispers in midst of your most pressing moments? Michele used an example of receiving a phone call from someone whom she least expected to hear (which was a sign to her that it was not a coincidence). Do you have a similar example you would like to share?
by BooParry | Feb 18, 2013 | FaithJourney
Only God can do the impossible. Only God could have parted the Red Sea. Only God can touch and change people’s hearts with His love.
My friend introduced me to a great online daily devotional by Nicky Gumbel. In today’s devotional, he talked about how Moses had a part to play (‘Raise your staff and stretch out your hand over the sea’, Exodus 14:16), but God had a much bigger and harder role to play (dividing the waters).
I, no doubt, have my part to play. God desires to use me for His purpose. I am called to be faithful in doing my part. Yet, there is always a part that only He can accomplish. He and His power alone.
I think this is such a necessary lesson for me to learn, especially as I prepare myself for the counseling field. Or even in just my everyday life, when I’m in midst of situations or relationships that I just want to “fix” and make it all better.
“Did I do enough?” “Did I say enough?” or sometimes, even “Did I pray enough?”
I need to remember – it is not my responsibility. Be faithful to do my part, yes, but beyond that is not my responsibility…and many times, it’s even beyond my possibility. But with God, all things are possible.
I feel like Job…standing in front of the God of the Universe. He’s asking me, “So…you think you can work this out better than I can, huh? Tell me…who made the stars and put them in its place?” Touché. Game over.
So once I’ve done my part, what do I do?
Wait…and keep praying. That can actually be harder than whatever it was that I was called to do. In one instance, when Moses was again called to raise his arms during a battle, his arms became tired, and Aaron had to help him (Exodus 17).
Waiting and being faithful in prayer can become so wearisome… If you’re like me, you’d much rather be doing something to get quicker results!
Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God.”
I especially love the way New American Standard Bible says it, “Cease striving and know that I am God.”
God, I believe You are the God of this universe. I believe all things are possible with You. I believe that one touch of Your love can change people’s hearts forever. I believe that one revelation from You can change people’s minds. I believe Your goodness and faithfulness will be revealed, to all who call on Your name. I trust all my cares – all my concerns for my loved ones – at Your feet. I believe I will see Your victory. I believe that Your name will be glorified. Until then, when I’ve done what I was called to do, I will learn to be still and find peace in the truth that You are GOD. (Thankfully) I am not.
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by BooParry | Feb 7, 2013 | FaithJourney
I always try to write from my heart, a place where I’m real, but today…it’s going to be extra “raw.” I write from a place of pain. My heart aches excruciatingly. But deep inside, I know that it’s a “good pain.” I’m not an athlete, but I think those who are will be able to relate to this kind of pain.
Growing pains. Strengthening pains. And someday, I’ll be able to look back and call it “rewarding pains.”
It seems ironic that peace and pain can co-exist inside my heart…but this is not my first time.
The immediate example that comes to mind is the time I made the decision to leave California. If you had asked me if that was even a remote possibility one year before I made the decision, I would have told you, “No way. You’re crazy to even suggest that I’d ever leave California. This is my home. This is the home of people that I love. This is where most of my friends are.” Yet, in His small still voice, God told me that it was time to let go. As I type this and remember the experience, it still brings me to tears. It was by far one of the most difficult decisions I ever had to make. As painful as it was – and walking through that decision was even more painful – I had peace, deep in my heart, that it was the right decision.
I had to walk out in faith…that indeed God had spoken to me and that it was the best decision for my life. I was not able to know then what I know now. I had no idea what my life in Florida will look like in one year…in five years…in ten years. In fact, my 10th anniversary from the big move will be this coming August. I look back in awe. God, You are SO good, and SO faithful. I am in tears (again) for a different reason. I am overwhelmed by the thought of how much I would have missed out on, had I not followed God’s lead because it was going to be too painful for me. I look at my husband of almost seven years…I can’t imagine life without him by my side. I look at the faces of my two little girls…they wouldn’t have existed!
How joyful are those who fear the Lord—
all who follow his ways!
You will enjoy the fruit of your labor.
How joyful and prosperous you will be!
Your wife will be like a fruitful grapevine,
flourishing within your home.
Your children will be like vigorous young olive trees
as they sit around your table.
That is the Lord’s blessing
for those who fear him.
Psalm 128:1-4 NLT
Now, I find myself in another season of “growing pains.” Another season of “labor” as the psalmist puts it above. My heart aches and the tears won’t stop. But deep inside, I have peace.
It was a little over a month ago that I claimed this was going to be a year of being Truthful – to who God has made me, to what God has placed on my heart, and to what God has called me to do.
I’m glad He didn’t give me a preview of what just the first month of 2013 was going to look like. If He did, I would have undoubtedly chosen a different word. God has definitely provided me with ample opportunities to put myself to the test in this area. I’ve had to choose what’s right over what’s easy. I’ve had to choose to be truthful over being agreeable. I’ve had to speak the truth, in love and grace, even if doing so meant causing a rift, or a ripple, in my “perfect world.” It also has meant that I can no longer appear “perfect” in other people’s eyes. It has meant opening way to some criticism or disagreement. It has meant giving room to being misunderstood or misperceived. Again, it’s only been the first month, and I can’t believe in how many areas this word truthful had to apply…in friendships, with family, and in our adoption process.
These words have brought encouragement as I have been learning to walk out of my comfort zone:
Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.
-Ephesians 4:15
“Criticism is the cost of influence.” – Rick Warren
“If you do things God’s way, He will give you double for your trouble.” – Joyce Meyer
For the Lord God is our sun and our shield.
He gives us grace and glory.
The Lord will withhold no good thing
from those who do what is right.
O Lord of Heaven’s Armies,
what joy for those who trust in you.
-Psalm 84:11-12 NLT
I wouldn’t be lying if I said I’m a little scared of what the rest of the year holds for me. But I choose His way, over and over again. I choose to trust Him. I believe, with all my heart, that in ten years (or even less), I will look back on this season and say to myself, “Wow, look at all that I would have missed out on…had I not followed God’s lead because it was going to be too painful for me.” I believe that I will look back and see how much I was able to grow in Christ, how much God had increased His sphere of influence through my life, and how much good I was able to receive…all because I chose to answer His call to be truthful.
No, O people, the Lord has told you what is good,
and this is what he requires of you:
to do what is right, to love mercy,
and to walk humbly with your God.
-Micah 6:8 NLT
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